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life's like a piece of glass. the moment you drop it. its a goner.

heard an incident about death today. i dont know. it just made me depressed this whole day. so i talked to a few close friends of mine about death.

death comes at the click of your fingers. just *snap* and you are gone, for good. no warning signs, no telling before hand. just like that, and you will forever disappear from the face of the earth.

imagine. one moment, she was just standing there, happily eating her favourite ice cream. the next, the ice cream falls from her hand and she collapsed. and the very next moment, her heart stopped, for good. then, she's gone.

imagine all those unsaid words of love. all those undone things. all those unpatched holes in her life. all those.. all those.. just so many left incomplete.

talking about death today makes me think. why do people (including me) grow upset over the littlest things in life, when actually, they already have the best in their lives? that's life itself.

why are we so particular over what we should wear? how low our marks are? how ugly a particular decor look? without life, can we even bother about all these minute things?

sometimes, i wonder. why should i get irritated over little things ppl do? why should i feel all those negative feelings? when i have the best i can ever get.

i'm confused. i'm lost.

death is such a black topic to talk about. but its inevitable.

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guilt.

i'll full of guilt. think i've been taking a number of things around me for granted.

I'M GUILTY!

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fluttering. thinking. losing sanity.

today, was a tiring day. i'm surprised i'm still alive!

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i feel so very irritated.

this world is full of hypocracy. sometimes, i cant help but find this world ugly.

u see trapped frogs in a glass container, awaiting death while being trampled on by other fellow "comrades". and when one finally manage to jump out of the glass container, it didnt leap away, but stayed there instead. then some other people put it back to its death chamber.

i guess the trapped frogs i saw yesterday taught me a very important lesson in life- as you grow older, u'll grow more practical. when the frog leaped out of the glass container yesterday, i said, "hurry jump away and escape!". yet, my mum said," so what if it escapes? it wont survive out there."

i found it very saddening. i dont know why. just looking at those frogs awaiting death is already a saddening sight. knowing that they will not survive out there makes it even more depressing. why can fate just twist our lievs at the tips of its fingers? are we "in charge of our destiny"? why are we so helpless when we are up against fate?

as i looked at those frogs awaiting death, i could almost feel what they were feeling. anticipation. fear. horror. panic. a hell load of negative feelings as they prayed not to be "the chosen one". but after long, these feelings just numbed their soul. it seemed apparent that death is inevitable as they lay in an awkward position in their death box. maybe they stopped feeling anything because they are worn out. maybe its because there was nothing new to feel anymore. or maybe because, they know, they are nothing up against fate.

next time when u see a bunch of frogs cramped in a glass container. please do not think of how delicious they are. instead, try to feel like them, then u'll know how it feels up against the master of all- fate.

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and i dont want the world to see me.
cux i dont think that they'd understand.
when everything's made to be broken.
i just want you to know who i am.

lalala. MANY TESTS NEXT WEEK. goodness. alot. and i dont know how to finish studying! oh well.

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baby if i told you the right words,
ooh at the right time.
would you be mine?

oh well. i'm so tired (as in YAWN). i wana sleep! but i have so much to do. and i'm slacking here. i shall finish up all my homework today. yes. AHHHH. FINISH MY HOMEWORK TONIGHT. homework= chinese compo and biology homework.

okay okay.sheryl you must JIAYOU.

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暗恋桃花源 was SUPERB! one of those shows that can make you laugh till you hit your head, and cry till your contacts become moisturized. haha. but sad thing is, MOST SLEPT AT THE TOUCHING PART! haha. only yap and i were crying.

haha. yap's my crying partner (: and my partner in crime X: oh yes. a kind reminder to yap. remember to bring THAT on monday (:

oh well. shall blog later (:

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heard some song lyrics. thought it was quite funny.

"you said you'll love me all your live. but from what i know now, you're still alive"

come to think of it now, its kinda true. haha. oh well. i'm fine. i'm doing fine. (:

wait wait. i'm not fine now. people around me are depressed and betrayed. I FEEL SAD TOO! ohhh. CHEER UP PEOPLE. there are brighter days to come right?

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i learnt sth today. its supposed to crush me. but it didnt. cux i'm over it. i'm so proud of myself. GOOD JOB SHERYL (:

okay. i wana thank YAP. haha. for buying a chunky w me and giving me the chunky eraser 1st. THANKS YIPPY-YAP (: i'll buy a chunky w her next time for the chunky eraser.

oh well. i'm BROKE ): AWWW. spent too much money yesterday. oh well. loads of things to do today. so JIAYOU SHERYL (:

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i just wanted to help. why must you make it so difficult for me?

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oh man. my dad and my mum are going out on a movie! I'M SO PROUD OF MY DADDY! go daddy go!

haha. oh well. i have 3 tests next week. like WTH. oh well

oh yes ppl. BRING YOUR ODT TOMORROW OKAY?

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I FINALLY KNOW WHAT TO BLOG! YES YES YES!

cute oranges (:

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nefarious seduction.

okay. i dont know what to blog about today. hmms.

someone give me something to blog about PLEASE.

-.-

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camera whores.

haha. after several attempts, me and my cousins finally got a JUMP photo. oh phew.

just a picture of the three of us.

sometimes, i wonder, what am i to you now? am i part of our history? or do you still treat me as your best friend? do you still remember the times we purposely run down the slope in the heavy downpour? the times you sang me a birthday song in MacDonalds? the times we mugged together for our PSLE? i still do. hell. its been a long time alright.

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okay. I WANA LEARN SALSA. damn. haha. was watching tv when i saw this couple dancing salsa. it was so sexy! nono. it wasnt the couples who were sexy, but their moves. goodness. haha.

oh well. i WILL pick up salsa ONE DAY.ONE DAY, and the day is not today. bleahs. no cash la. oh well.

hmms. tons of things i want to do. but now's not the time. that's sad. ):

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Munequita.

HAPPY CNY once again.

I BAKED!! yay. and i DID NOT burn anything this time round. so proud of myself ((:

oh well. got to start studying one day soon. yucky electricity. oh well.

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HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

damn funny. a few of my scholars, who do not know chinese, sent me CNY wishes in chinese. no doubt, it may be some chain message, still, it was kinda... surprising. haha.

oh well. I WANT TO COOK AGAIN! i dont know why. i just want to. got a feeling i'll burn the house down. oh well. I'LL TRY!

YAWN. i'm tired. oh well. i'm so excited about later. i mean, I WILL WEAR NEW CLOTHES (:

haha. i'm mad. i know. i was during my reunion dinner. reminiscing past times with my cousins. haha. its not as if we only meet each other once a year, we meet each other every other weekend. still, its fun to recall how dumb we all once were.

oh yes oh yes. i almost forgot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUN LAO SHI AND MELANIE!

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change: friend or foe?

this morning, a friend and i hit on this idea of change. turns out, many people have this love-hate relationship with change.

undeniable, change has robbed us of many important things. naiivety, innocence, love, friendship, or perhaps, even some of our family.

i have only too many of these experiencea. loved ones leave me because "they've changed". i start being critical because "i've changed". i stopped loving someone because "he's changed".

you see. change has only brought about pain and suffering. people change due to circumstances. say, X has always been a close friend to Y. both shared many camaradaries and confide in each other alot. but when Y has a new girlfriend, X will turn to someone else to confide in, because Y has "changed". so you see, the word CHANGE here, has brought about, perhaps, a new chapter in a person's life, and forces on to adapt to this new chapter, thus changing that person as well.

lets go back to our story. what if Y breaks up with his girlfriend one day? wouldn't Y "change back" to who he once was, and be good friends with X again? then, what has change brought about this time? something positive to X i believe.

oh well. i guess all people are practical. oh so very practical. we change for us to fit the environment, even if it makes us feel like a piece of crap, we still do.

its apparent in the previous example that Y has only gone back to X, because he has no one else to lean on anymore. this just sucks.

perhaps change is part of our instinct that our oh-so-great ancestors have passed down to us. maybe its some weird code in our genes to ensure our survival. or perhaps we've just picked up these skills as we grow up in this dog-eat-dog world. The Fittest Survives. perhaps, its just some form of harsh training on our innocent souls to keep us "fit".

with change, comes development. and with development, comes more destruction than conservation.

should we have never changed, all of you here would still be living in the Stone-Age, hunting wild boars and god-knows-what, instead of comfortably sitting down in front of your computer, reading my blog. should we have never changed, we'd all die early due to unforeseen circumstances, and not still breathing this minute. should we have never changed, we'd have never known about how the other side of the world looks like.

YET.

should we have never changed, many other trees would still be swaying with the winds and not mercilessly cut down by us humans, for our own selfish use. should we have never changed, the polar bears would not be put on the list of 3rd level ( i think) endangered species, because of the melting ice bergs. should we have never change, people wouldnt be suffering from so many more natural disasters, as compared to the ancient times.

this brings me back to my earlier statement, "with change comes development". you see CONSERVATION going on, do u? people has changed, once again, due to unforseen circumstances, to ensure their survival. we know that, should one day the icebergs melt, we'd all die in droughts and floods. we know that, should one day, all the trees are gone and the land is left barren, it'd be near our dooms day. we know that, should we not start to conserve the environment, we'd suffer from even more natural disasters due to come. we develop once more, to ensure our survival.

so no doubt, change has robbed us of many things which were wonderful and precious to us. but change has help to prolong what's most important to us, our survival.

give and take, they say. sometimes, we need to give up what means so much to us, in order to receive what is most important to us. perhaps, this is a rule Life has set.

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CONGRATS CUDA!! we did it without the yellow fish!! YAY!! oh well. i know its bad to say this, but i think falcon shld have taken the 1st placing, theirs is really WOW.

oh well. OVER AND DONE with the cosplay. nothing to worry abt now. haha.

I BOUGHT MY HEELS! they look so grand! like some empress dowager shoes. haha. maybe some ppl may say its "ah-ma" but i think its sophisticated in its own ways. (:

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stolen.

i've FINALLY settled the cosplay with something simple, but its okay. at least i've gotten something done.

had a good talk to some people around me. yup. feeling alot better now. so THANKS to you all.

oh oh. i wana buy SHOES!! ((: lalala~ me and shan went high over shoes during class halfway through. and the guys behind us started laughing like mad. oh well. what can i say? we're GIRLS. expected! haha

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i know you'll read this.

thanks for being there just now. really thanks.

i told myself i wont cry this valentine. but i did. i'm sorry sheryl.

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HAPPY VALENTINES!

to gee: thanks for the cauliflower bouquet and the muffin breakfast! i dont know what to do w the cauliflower. HOW?? haha.

to di: thanks for the heart! i love you back!

to shan: thanks for the ferrero rocher. haha. i enjoyed the moments with you too (:

to jmi: SORRY! i took a long time to realize its a S. but i loved it! btw, i still think it should be PRICELESS (X

to soonkiang: thanks for the chunky lunch.

to wanling: thanks for the chalk! its damn cool la!

to sokloon: thanks for the tag! its nice ((:

to danny: thanks for the card!

did i miss anyone out?

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HAPPY VALENTINES!

to gee: thanks for the cauliflower bouquet and the muffin breakfast! i dont know what to do w the cauliflower. HOW?? haha.

to di: thanks for the heart! i love you back!

to shan: thanks for the ferrero rocher. haha. i enjoyed the moments with you too (:

to jmi: SORRY! i took a long time to realize its a S. but i loved it! btw, i still think it should be PRICELESS (X

to soonkiang: thanks for the chunky lunch.

to wanling: thanks for the chalk! its damn cool la!

to sokloon: thanks for the tag! its nice ((:

to danny: thanks for the card!

did i miss anyone out?

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defiance.

thoughout today, they've attached the "defiance" tag to their mouths. defiance defiance defiance. whether is it you've folded your skirt or pulled down your socks to the ankle. its all defiance.

as in dictionary.com, defiance means a daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force.

let me quote an example. A was walking down the stairs when she decided to fold her skirt. apparently, the long skirt had made her feel uncomfortable. so she decided to shorten the length by a little, to half the knee cap [that's the general guideline for skirts]. unfortunately for her, she was caught 10minutes later. now, when she was caught, the first thing she heard was "this is an act of defiance". apparently A was told that it was wrong to fold her skirt in the first place.

now now, tell me. is it wrong to resist to motions that make you feel uncomfortable? or rather, is it right to go along doing what you were told to even if you dont feel good about it?

if i remember clearly, we were always told to "do what you think is right". what if A thinks that its okay to fold her skirt, as long as it sticks to the rules? if she still being defiant?

then think again, will telling A to unfold her skirt then permanently solve the problem of her folding her skirt? i truly doubt so.

now, what they are dealing with here is just the surface of the problem. they are nowhere near the root. the idea behind getting attire right is DISCIPLINE. say haywired discipline is the root of all problems and part of the surface problems would include inproper attire, bringing of phones to school etc, would getting attire right throughouly sort out discipline? i think we all know the answer very well.

its comparable to the plucking out of white hair. as long as the root of the white hair isn't treated by some specialised hair specialist, white hair would still continue to grow despite various attempts to get rid of it. in fact, from 1 strand per pore, it may increase to 3 or 4 strands per pore. that is bad.

similarly, attempts of trying to get the attire right would only cause destruction to the community there. problems it would incur would include disrespect, even more defiance, fear and even worse, hatred.

let me quote some famous person. "its not when you reach your destination, but how you get there".

let us now apply this to the current situation. i'd like to ask, would you rather hurry get all the attire right and earn nothing but disrespect and hatred from all around you? or would you rather try to gain the respect from all around you and naturally get the surface problem sorted out? its effectiveness we are talking about here.

"you reap what you sow". you sow hatred, you reap hatred. you sow disrespect, you reap disrespect.you sow fear, you reap fear. you sow misunderstandings, similarly, its misunderstandings you will reap.

this method you are using may work for the older generation, but no longer for generation Y. even textbook syllabus are improved on and edited with time. surely there are other ways to get discipline sorted out.

you speak bird language to birds, fish language to fishes, snake language to snakes. the same concept applies here. you always go "dont you understand simple english?". no doubt, we DO understand simple english. but why is that we never comply? because we never listen? because we cant be bothered to? well, i guess i cant answer that question for you too. maybe its because we speak a different language (not as in literally), or maybe its because we feel you dont understand us, which is why we defy your rules. or maybe, we just cant be bothered. perhaps, you'd prefer to think of it as we are nonchalent. but i personally believe that should you try speaking our language, the effects would be more to your liking.

perhaps, its time to think and feel like us.

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half-sick.

i want to fall sick tomorrow. so i can hurry up recover in time for CNY! bleahs. its getting v.irritating, the feeling of half-sick, half-well. just fall sick will you? huh?

irritating.

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thoughts of desire at the back of my mind.

i havent bought it yet. i'm thinking, real hard. SHOULD I GET IT?

oh well. baked muffins today. 40% burnt cux my oven was overheated. -.- OH WELL! what am i supposed to do?haha. its not the 1st time already. hahah.

oh well. loads of homework to finish up. can push till tomorrow though. but what's the diff? hmms. oh well. finishing up tml anyway. its late now.

oh ya.thanks for the tarts (:

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ooh ooh ooh.

i am going to buy it. yes i am.

the long awaited moment.

but it costs alot.

but then again, i love it more.

I DONT KNOW.

okok. just buy it.

sheryl is nuts. just ignore her.

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I LOVE YOU ALL.

thanks all who have supported me all these time. thanks for all the HUGS, the SMILES, the HANDSHAKES, and most of all THE LOVE (: i love you guys back.

to mummy and daddy: for everything you've given me.
to sun lao shi: for teaching 402, 403 and for giving us loads and loads of support
to niu lao shi: for helping me and reassuring me that i can do it.
to ms tee: for drilling important info into us.
to huishan ziyun yilu aurelia: for freaking with me
to my bananas and cavewomen: for telling me to relax and chill
to melanie: for the oh-so-girly hug and support! (:
to all the girls who hugged me: for the hugs, it made me feel a lot better.
to soonkiang: for not digging the trench and living up to your name. and for your sweets.
to andrew and jaryl and chan: for your lucks.

and the list goes on and on...

oh man. I LOVE YOU ALL.

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DAY. (its a big big day)

oh well. tomorrow is it. okay. please bring many many buckets tomorrow. we will seriously need it.

here comes the big question. WHY?
1. we can use it to contain our tear lest we start flooding the school
2. we can kick it if we are really unhappy. kick the bucket, you know. okay kidding.

oh well. thanks to andrew and soonkiang (i shall be nice this time) for the luck. i think i need PLENTY of it. oh well.

prays hard for my A1.

dear Cambridge, i promise to be a good girl if u can grant me 10 A1s for this year's Os. i think i'm nuts.

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you with the sad eyes
dont be discouraged
oh i realized
its hard to gain courage

thanks for calling me up today. though i didnt pick it up. but thanks for the support.

all my effort goes down to tomorrow. the big day. the big day my parents have the slightest idea about. oh well. good luck to me. stay strong sheryl.

to the rest of you out there, GOOD LUCK TOO.

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if this world makes you crazy,
and you've taken all you can bear,
you call me up,
because you know i'll be there.

ooh. i love the DOVE SELF CONFIDENCE FUND (:

women should really have more faith in themselves. because we are all beautiful people.

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hurting cheekbones!

i laughed too much. my cheeksbones hurt. so does shan's. so end up we keep rubbing out cheekbones after we laugh. think we look like a bunch of idiots. haha. oh well. we look dumb TOGETHER. how fun.

had so much fun in class. i think its laughter-overload!!! haha.

think my class is madness. MADNESS. MADNESS!!!

oh yes. to sookching: sorry!

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joyous?

oh dear. all our teachers are falling ill.

so, to mr lim and mr ang: please take care and GET WELL SOON!

okay. andrew did something very dumb in class. andrew should really be smarter than that. haha. oh well.

realized today that our sphere of influence is really influential. but then again, if they werent influential, why are they called our sphere of influence? hmms.

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pain is not pain unless u think it is pain.

profound right?but its true. it all in the mind. your life can be but a piece of crap, but it isnt crap unless u think it is. i guess mentality changes alot of things.

i used to think i'm a sad person. because someone keep saying that i am. but one day, i just realized, i'm sad because I THINK i am. not because i am. oh well. i'm happier now, because i tell myself to live everyday happily. unhappiness may visit in time to come, or perhaps even lunch with me. but after the showers, there's always a rainbow right there waiting for me. this i know.

this, u must understand too.

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those ringing words.

people. treasure all your loved ones before they are gone. just heed my advice. love them or they'll be gone.

oh well. something sad happened today. dont wana talk about it though. no one died around me, if u were wondering.

oh well. i'm hungry.ken lo said to eat ice cream. NO MONEY FOR IT! bleahs. oh well. try to get ice cream to eat then. i'm HUNGRY. its dinner soon anyway. ahh. alot of stuff to do today. AHH!

that u will still live in my heart. i'm sorry i wasn't much of a help.

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mummy and i went to destress by shopping today.

mummy's definition of destress "BUY!" (she has the cash)

my definition of destress "WALK!" (i dont)

end up. i was the one who end up buying. she's the one who ends up walking. oh well. ironic huh.

okay so. i got myself a golden halter and black little dress. OHH~. new clothes make me excited. anticipation. excitement. satisfaction. impulsion. dilemma. decision. and oh! NEW CLOTHES!

oh well. someone is angry cux i havent been listening. hmms. oh well.

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okay. i'm feeling fine now, after a few days of feeling emo.

yes. thanks to those people who've been there for me.

after a few emo days, i'm dead beat. and i mean it, i'm dead beat. i'm so very tired, but really enjoyed myself in class today. my class people are just. wow.

oh well. YAWN! i was warned to sleep early tonight. bah. today shall be a relax day. shall relax and go out to chill. yes yes yes. but NO MONEY! haha.

i think ms sun is right. its time to buck up on chinese. (:

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哭了再打算

all hopes are lost. lost.

diff quiz tomorrow. dont feel like studying anymore.

lost.