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okay. its just getting so weird. i'm no longer excited abt my birthday ): guess it must be the stress. oh man, i kinda wish i was excited abt my bday. its fun just being excited, but all these excitement is going.esp after i realized tt some ppl who mean the world to me also forgot abt the day. but oh well. its okay. i intend to spend the day doing stuff i love, and stuff i hate (because they are a must). then i dont know, sleep i guess. sth i owe myself quite abit. AIYA. who cares. shld just think abt it when it comes. till then, lalala. life goes on doesnt it?

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okay. its been a loooong time! yes, i'm FINALLY BACK BABY! haha.

hey, thanks for coming back. i dont know if u'll read this cux i dont see you online much (cux i dont go online much), but ya, if u are, just so you know, i've missed having you around. so yes, thanks for coming back.

anyway, have so much to think abt recently. how i wish i cld just stick myself to mugging, but my stupid mind would have to wonder around like some stranger in my head. AHHHHH. study girl study.

okay. shant type so much. i know you all miss me (:

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okay. one of the rare-er occasions when i come online. haha. been days since i last touched my comp.

yes, studying again. crap. i find my life so dull. i want to break out of this cycle. but guess what, I CANT. oh wth. oh well. just another 4 months and i'm free.. right?

NO WRONG! its another 4 months before you are free for 2 months plus and busy for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! OH MAN!!!!

okay ignore me. stress is working its way around my nervous system.

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hello people. i think i'm going to go crazy one day, some day soon. haha. especially in class, just kept laughing and shouting at lia. BECAUSE SHE DID IT FIRST! hng! haha. okay that's childish. you see, i told you i'm abit crazy.

it was good talking to lia today again. something off my chest, at least i know that she'll be able to understand me better than anyone else i'd have told. yes, so thanks lia! haha. i cant stand it, we are always going through the same thing at the same time. that's a lot of comfort actually!

yes yes, so erms. oh ya. JARYL's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIX-PACKED GIRL! haha. oops, now the whole world knows that you claim to be a six-pack girl. and yes, be honoured jar, we sang you your birthday song TWICE. twice okay.

and oh yes, i miss my darling cecilia. its been months since i talked to her, my bestest best friend. haha. she's about the only one who can make me listen to stuff i hate hearing, so far. poor girl has 8 tests this week, so JIAYOU! (:

anyway, we've been a ball of madness today. with all the power ranger crap and transformers, we are like... bonkas. who cares! lalala. okay, off to do my 7 graphs and REALLY turn crazy.

toodles people (:

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i wish things didnt turn out this way. wish i was less attentive to little things that were left unsaid. wish i was able to remain as naiive as i once was. but you know what, i cant. its not that i ever hated you for all the things you've done. its not as if i was never able to forgive you, at any one time of our friendship. its just that, i just feel like this whole friendship thing is a one way affair. true enough, you've assured me that it isn't. but even if i try to convince myself again and again that its a two way friendship, i just find it more and more difficult to.

things really came to a realization when i found out why we talked so much less nowadays. its just seems like.. everything is pointing towards that direction that this friendship is a one-way affair. i thought i was able to forget it, thought i was able to live with it, thought i was okay with it. but it turns out that, i'm not.

no matter how much i try to close one eye, there's just this feeling bugging me again and again. i'm sorry. i wish i didnt even expect a single thing from you. but, its just that, you are one of the closest person to me. you still are one of the most treasured friends in my circle. but, it just hurts that it feels as if we're moving on this one way street.

i know u still care, i know you still watch over me like you promised. but.. i dont know. maybe its because i'm a front stage crew and you are a back stage crew, that's why we are not able to clear this hurdle. not just yet i guess.

or perhaps, its simply because we just fail to read each other's intentions all the times.

if u are reading this, just so you know, you still mean a lot to me. i'm sorry for not speaking to you for i need time to think things through. this friendship means a hell lot to me, and i'm not ready to let it go to waste.

and yes, by the way, its nice to see you smile that spastic smile again.

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HAPPY YOUTH DAY!!! (:

guess what i did today, about the same thing maybe half the people of my age are doing. STUDY! yes, the Os are coming. oh man. the tension is on. oh well.

i'm just praying hard that i dont burn myself out this week again.

yes, i was studying at the National Library Study Lounge on the 5th floor and boy, it was SO COMFY! condusive too. haha. they have vending machines there, which i thought was rather cool. but the funny thing was, the people who were there were mostly adults, young or old. oh well. anyway, it was nice there. (:

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are you coming back?

okay. i was at Xinthesis- A Celebration of Arts and Culture yesterday. and oh my goodness, the performances were good!

the guzheng emsemble was up 1st.the following words came up to mind when i heard their music. strength. tension. tickles. grace. bass. support. power. figure out how the music was like yourself. haha.

next was chinese dance. i SWEAR they were worthy of their gold with honours. their dance was so.. emotional and beautiful. i almost cried while watching it. seriously. it was more like a reflection of life than dance. but then again, the dance was about life. so yes, they've done a wonderful job.

last was chinese opera. they were seriously entertaining. however, there were too many back stage pick up sounds that spoilt the whole thing.

yes, and the audiences in the circle where i was sitting in seriously have a lot of "auditoriums" for improvement. apparently, the word room doesnt apply for this case for its too small for the amount of space they have to work on to improve their behaviour in the Drama Centre.

firstly, they laughed at their own members at work.
secondly, they did not know how to keep their mouths shut when the performances are on!
thirdly, they did not clap after the performances.
forthly, they were rude to the workers of the Drama Centre. to think the lady had to even go to the extent of saying " this is not your school hall, you cant change seats as you wish". how disgraceful.
fifthly, they were shouting across the circle before the performance. wth! its a Drama Centre mind you.

wonder what's happening to our future generation. those ppl i was refering to were but a bunch of disappointment. oh man. how terrible.