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what am i doing in this class?

i'm troubled. can somebody tell me, why is that some people can score near full marks and hate themselves for it? for scoring one or two marks less than full. then me, who is scoring like 25% less than full marks, am i supposed to be upset or happy? upset that i could not score full marks or happy that i'm doing 25% better than my usual?

its just puzzling. i was okay with my results at 1st. but as time progresses, i hear people scoring better than me frustrated about losing that one or two marks, it makes me wonder, what the hell am i doing in this class? are my aims too low? or am i supposed to feel like them, unhappy with all their results.

but then again, i'm in this competitive class. the fittest survives. maybe i'm just not fit enough. or maybe, i just dont want results as badly as them. it makes me wonder again, what am i doing in this class?

its not that i dont like 402. i love 402 from the bottom of my heart. i guess, maybe i just cannot survive in such a competitive environment. or maybe, my expectations for myself have risen, like in sec 1. i dont know.